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About Varied / Artist Member RayJUnited States Groups :icontask-force-141: Task-Force-141
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"When the world seems to be spinning out of control, shut your eyes and enjoy the ride."

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"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."


Artist | Varied
United States
"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."

Commission Prices: Commission Prices 2015 by TheRoguez I'm always open!

I follow the dharma, the tao, the middle way, and oneness.
in this life I'm an INFJ, 4w5, taurus sun/leo moon (sidereal and tropical), otherkin, and a bunch of other definitions that don't mean anything.
I don't usually reply to comments because I have bad social anxiety, please forgive me!

seeing three people mention suicidal thoughts in one morning prompted me to write something, and despite it being a heavy topic, I feel it is worse to keep such thoughts hidden.
how can life be enjoyed when horrible things are constantly happening? why should we try to make anything of ourselves if it can be ended in an instant? I studied different religions for years trying to find the solutions to these problems, all of them pointing towards a distant future, after death, being better than this. it was difficult to get a grip when everything physical was temporary, and everything spiritual was far away, unknowable. this doesn't even include being constantly bogged down by life's struggles and trying to survive amidst terrible emotional pain.

the worst part of it is how easy it is to give in to the feeling. happiness takes effort, and sometimes it takes a blind eye to keep it. depression on the other hand is simple, you stop fighting, and misery finds its way in. I couldn't say there's an easy solution for it; it will always be a struggle to keep pulling yourself out of the hole. but, I've seen this desire to live outlast any temporary bout of depression, and I would consider anyone who has faced their suicidal demons to be a strong person.

for me, it poisoned things that I loved. I couldn't find meaning in the religion I adopted. I isolated myself from my friends and social outlets. I ruined my chances with people I loved dearly. when I had only myself, I thought I was done for, but I realized it had been a process of cleansing. I saw that my inability to let go of things had brought a lot of suffering, and now that they had been forced away, peace took their place, as I no longer was trying to control my life. so, I think one of the biggest contributors to suffering is the desire to control what happens to us, and it can explain why some people feel depression; when something is going "bad" for us and we wish it were another way, we'll feel upset. in a certain light, depression is an incredible teacher, as it will push you to make changes in your life that are positive, while showing you that holding on to those results and expecting certain things will cause misery. finally the buddhist tenent of "non attachment" made sense. still, this would only relieve suffering, but it wouldn't matter if all life was pointless.

I would look back at that desire to live despite the mind becoming sick with suicidal thoughts, and discover how to utilize it. at our most basic, we live to pass on our genes. above that, we may live to make an impact on others, having our name remembered in some way. this is still a subtle way to try and control what happens, and will stress us out if we aren't living up to our "potential." still above that, we might live to help others, but this becomes so difficult when all we see is suffering, and it will wear on the mind over time. it will also be difficult if our desire to help others is rooted in a fear of death or of those people dying. perhaps the better thing to do would be to look at suffering as something unavoidable, but not necessarily bad. suffering will bring compassion, seen by countless people pouring their hearts out in the wake of a crime, or in something smaller like helping out a person who's down on their luck.

the point to remember is that all this has meaning if all of it is connected. when we show kindness to someone, we show kindness to everyone. even better, if we can give love to someone, we are loving the entire universe. it's the same for suffering; harming someone, or yourself, harms everything. the moment we try to separate ourselves from it, wanting to escape, we will feel miserable, because we won't find an escape. I think the more noble thing to do is to try and live in it, trying to be something good even when surrounded by bad things. your kindness may rub off to others, even just one other person, and make a difference in that way. compassion would carry over into the afterlife as well, as real love is not temporary in the way that depression and suffering are. it is as if we have come to this earth to learn to love others and ourselves, and each bad feeling is only a test to overcome. we can drop out, or see it through and carry our lessons to experiences we can't even imagine now. it doesn't have to be pointless if you don't want it to be.
  • Mood: Love

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LlamaFreedom Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015
And a llama for you. :P (Lick) Also, can you throw the llama love my way and give me one too? :) (Smile) I'd surely appreciate it. :D (Big Grin)
Almy-Nol Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015
Happy New Year! :party:
InfiniteLoup Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2014
hello! I hate to be that person, but can you please tell me what program you use? Your line quality is to die for.
(1 Reply)
Foxfeather248 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch! :)
Deh-Muffin Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i forgot how much i love your art omg
kaicaine Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014
i would plant a garden all over your page if i could because i think it would be suiting
(1 Reply)
catguro Featured By Owner Edited Sep 28, 2014
Oh, I fucking lOVE YR ART AND STUFF!!!! <3
sleen-fire Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
wow i love the sort of abstract-y psycadelic feel you have with you're works, instant watch!
SUNgoddessOKAMI Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
cats are stupid
(1 Reply)
foxpens Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014
Sorry to bother, but I have opened up point commissions to help raise some money for a huge dental bill. I would appreciate if you could stop by and read it. Thank you, foxpens.
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